MCA, Apartment #2, Saturday Mor--jk Early Afternoon

[stickitupmyjinx]

Vanessa didn't know her name was Vanessa yet, or anything else. What she did know was that she'd woken up in bed next to someone who looked like the ass side of the moon, and so now there was screaming. A lot of screaming.

Look, she would be really sorry later, but right now this was a bit much to take.

((For that guy.))

Comments

[captainskullpoopl]

So, of course Wade woke up with a start, got tangled in the sheets and then promptly fell off the bed. "Jimmeny crickets, I think I broke something vital," he wheezed, squinting at some ladies' unmentionables and and a gun or five under the bed.

What the what?

[stickitupmyjinx]

Vanessa finally managed to catch her breath enough to say, "Oh, God," and then, "What the fuck?"

Look, it was a valid question.

[captainskullpoopl]

"What the fuck?" Wade asked right on back with all the necessary emphasis. He reached up to touch his face to make sure it wasn't busted up and then stopped at the weird texture.

And also his hand looked like it was covered in a very thin veneer of lunch meat.

"What the fuck?!"

[stickitupmyjinx]

"What the fuck happened to your face?" Vanessa asked, wrapping herself in the sheet to protect her modesty from the guy she'd apparently been in bed naked with ten minutes ago. "And your...everything else?"

Less important questions like 'what is my fucking name' could wait.

[captainskullpoopl]

"I don't know!" This wasn't exactly the sort of thing you wake up to without warning. Normally.

He was busy checking that indeed everything was affected by whatever the hell was going on there.

"I look like hamburger meat! Why the fuck do I look like hamburger meat?!"

[stickitupmyjinx]

Under normal circumstances Vanessa preferred to think of it as 'ribbed for her pleasure.'

"Why are you asking me? I obviously don't know! I don't even know your fucking name! Or my name!"

[captainskullpoopl]

"Neither do I!" A beat. "Oh my god, did you roofie me? Did I roofie you? Did we roofie each other? I can't stop saying roofie and it's seriously becoming a concern here!"

[stickitupmyjinx]

"I don't think I roofied you." She considered this. "But maybe I did! I don't know if that's something I would or wouldn't do!"

[captainskullpoopl]

"What the fuck," he said again, softly and with so much emotion behind it. "You own a lot of guns, you know."

[stickitupmyjinx]

"No, I don't know," Vanessa countered. "Maybe they're your guns."

[captainskullpoopl]

Wade just gave her a look and fished out a patriotic themed bra from under the bed. "This also mine?"

[stickitupmyjinx]

"...no, okay, that's probably mine. What the fuck do I need so many guns for?" She eyed the bra warily. "Am I a Republican?!"

[captainskullpoopl]

"Wow, I don't know if I could sleep with a Republican," Wade replied, letting the bra drop. Guys, you just really liked holiday sex. It was a thing. "Do you have the urge to vote for shitstains with bad toupees?"

[stickitupmyjinx]

Vanessa considered this. "No. In fact, I kind of want to throw up, but that could be because you roofied me."

[captainskullpoopl]

"Well, maybe you roofied me and now I look like a topological map of Utah!"

[stickitupmyjinx]

"How the hell could I have made you look like a full body acne scar with a fucking roofie?! Huh?"

[captainskullpoopl]

"That's... that's a good one," Wade had to admit. "Good one."

Wait, where were they?

"And I don't know. You're the one with the guns and bras here!"

He spotted a pair of pants that looked like mens' and lunged for them to hunt for a wallet and settle this one.

[stickitupmyjinx]

"I'm getting dressed," Vanessa declared, and got up, taking the sheet with her. She opened a door that seemed likely to be a closet, and what do you know? Closet. With a bunch of women's clothes and what appeared to be several identical red and black spandex gimp suits--weird--but also, "I think you have clothes in here."

[captainskullpoopl]

"Ah ha!" Wade declared, fishing out a wallet. He flipped it open and frowned at the picture of an attractive brown haired man. "I don't feel like a Hal."

[stickitupmyjinx]

"You kind of look like a Hal, though," Vanessa said as she attempted to pull on underwear without dropping the sheet. "In that I think most Hals are bald by now."

[captainskullpoopl]

Meanwhile Wade was wriggling into the jeans because the 'gimp suits' were over by the chick who potentially roofied him.

"You take that back! I feel like a Ryan. Yeah, definitely a Ryan."

[stickitupmyjinx]

"Okay, whatever, Hal," Vanessa said as she fastened one of the bras she'd found in a drawer. Huh, it fit. "Where's my wallet?" Wait. "Don't touch my wallet!"

[captainskullpoopl]

"That name makes my skin crawl! And that's an accomplishment because this shit looks like it does that all on it's own!"

[stickitupmyjinx]

Vanessa pulled on a flannel shirt and spied a purse sticking half out from under the bed, which she pounced upon. Upon digging out the wallet she exclaimed, "Lake Lively? What the fuck, that's not a name!"

[captainskullpoopl]

"It's an alliteration," Wade Hal pointed out with a grin at her dismay. "You look like a Lake."

A beat.

"...nice Bernadette Peters purse, by the way."

[stickitupmyjinx]

Vanessa Lake looked down at it. "...thanks. Hal."

[captainskullpoopl]

And they still thought roofies were involved here. Seriously you two.

"No problem, Lake."

[stickitupmyjinx]

Wait until they found all the wedding planning magazines on the coffee table.