stickitupmyjinx | MCA, Vanessa & Wade's Apartment, Saturday Afternoon

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It was a normal Saturday afternoon at Casa Carlysle-Wilson, one partner maintaining his armory, the other messing around on her computer, until suddenly Vanessa gasped in delight, jumped off the couch, and ran into the room they'd discovered a few weeks previous, taking her laptop with her, and slammed the door, yelling, "Don't look!" over her shoulder.

That part wasn't that unusual, either, to be honest.

Then Vanessa opened the door, told Wade, "I'll be back in five minutes," and slammed it again.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

captainskullpoopl

"Is it a sex thing?" Wade called after her, cleaning a gun. "Because you know I like those."

From:

stickitupmyjinx

"Not a sex thing!" Vanessa called through the door, and then, after considering it a moment, "Mostly not a sex thing?"

From:

captainskullpoopl

Wade gave that all due consideration before nodding along with the correction. "Okay, make safe choices!"

Look, this relationship never would have lasted this long without trust, folks. Trust and a lot of kinky sex.

From:

stickitupmyjinx

A few minutes later, Vanessa emerged from the spare room with her laptop tucked under her arm. "Hey, baby?" she asked. "You remember how we went to the courthouse and got married a while back so we could get the ball rolling for me in case we need to flee this Trumpian dystopia to Canada, but we kept telling everyone we're engaged so we could stage a gift grab--I mean, have a wedding later?"

What was that? Was that a retcon? That might be a retcon.

From:

captainskullpoopl

"It happened off camera," Wade informed whoever might have bothered reading them. "There are emails."

Then smiled and turned his attention back to Vanessa. "Yeah? Are we bugging out of this unceasing hellscape of a country? Because I've got bags packed at the ready for it."

From:

stickitupmyjinx

Vanessa just ignored the part that she assumed was caused by the brain cancer and said, "No, I found the perfect dress. So I think we should have that wedding."

She paused, then admitted, "Although I get closer to voting for Canada every day."

From:

captainskullpoopl

"I've got the passports ready and I will stab anyone who even thinks about handmaidening you," he replied loyally. "Not that you wouldn't also stab them, but we can do it as a couple. You know? Like apple picking."

Which was romantic. For them.

From:

stickitupmyjinx

"We should go apple picking this fall!" Vanessa said enthusiastically. "We could drink cider and make pie!" And possibly burn said pie, but it was the thought that counted.

Okay, Carlysle, focus. "The only thing is, this dress is really expensive. So one of us might have to do some freelance work, and I don't really want to."

From:

captainskullpoopl

And then make the pie remains into something sexual, let's be honest here.

"I'll pick up side gigs," he promised without skipping a beat. "I'll have to make sure they're bad guys so I can maintain that anti-hero thing, but I'm sure it'll be fine."

From:

stickitupmyjinx

If there was one thing teen comedies had taught America, it was how to make pie sexual.

"You're the best, baby," Vanessa said as she settled back down on the couch. "I'm sure Weasel knows someone who wants a human trafficker killed or something."

From:

captainskullpoopl

"Man, I wish it was someone that would get the FBI or the Secret Service showing up at houses, but I won't say who because no one needs that heat," he said, reassembling the gun he was working on.

From:

stickitupmyjinx

"Can't trust the squirrels," Vanessa agreed, shooting a wary look at the window. "...What if I gave you a nickel and a blowjob, would you do it for that?" No, guys. No.